1. Make little things bother you; don’t just let them, make them?

2. Lose your perspective of things, and keep it lost. Don’t put first things first.

3. Get yourself a good worry –one about which you cannot do anything but worry.

4. Be a perfectionist; condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

5. Be right, always right, perfectly right all the time. Be the only one who is right, and be rigid about our rightness

6. Don’t trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest. Be suspicious. Impute ulterior motives to them.

7. Always compare yourself unfavourable to others, which is the guarantee of instant misery.

8. Take personally, with a chip on your shoulder, everything that happens to you that you don’t like.

9. Don’t give yourself wholeheartedly or enthusiastically to anyone or to anything.

10. Make happiness the aim of your life instead of bracing for life’s barbs through a bitter with the sweet philosophy. Use this prescription for awhile and you will be guaranteed unhappiness

1. During the Easter Season

• Busiest time in the life of the church.
• Intensity of numbers
• High expectations
• Spiritual dimension – doctrinal issue flies in the face of Satan
• Conflict between pastor and music leader over amount of preaching vs. music

2. During a Stewardship Campaign or Budget Preparation

3. When Adding Staff

4. When the Basic Leadership Style/Approach Changes

5. During the Pastors Absence

• Vacation
• Mission Trip
• Revival Leave

6. Following a Change in the Pastor’s Family

• Most people want to feel good about the pastor – but most have an idealized view of the pastor’s family.
• During the birth of the baby a pastor will spend more time at home and less time with the church family.
• When there is a wayward teenager or similar crisis.

7. When there is a Significant Generational Change in the Focus of the Church.

• Leas uses the example of an influx of baby boomers into the church

8. Upon the Completion of a New Building

• There has been an excitement and a dream
• The Church family has Raised and given a lot of money
• Now we have this new building and it is not perfect

9. Rapid Loss or Rapid Increase of Church Membership

10. During the Time Between Pastors

• Jockeying for position and power
• Leadership Vacuum

Written by Craig Webb

Your first responses to a conflict are important and you need to keep in mind the following first steps:

1. Don’t panic

If you do, you will make things worse. Take a deep breath and follow the steps outlined in the rest of this article.

2. Don’t deny that there is a conflict

If you do, you may wait too long to seeking a resolution to the issues involved. The longer a conflict goes unresolved; the more possibilities for long term damage in the church. As the leader in your church, you need to take the lead in redemptively confronting the conflict sooner rather than later.

3. Do pray for guidance

This step comes too late in the process for many conflict situations. Start with a prayer for God’s wisdom, insight, and guidance. Lead your leadership to pray the same way. You will do better to save the talking until God guides you because you have an openness to Him.

4. Do apply Holy Scripture

The Bible contains numerous stories of conflict and conflict resolution. It also contains key principles to guide us as we seek a “grace-based” answer to differences. I would encourage you to let the Bible inform your reason.

Scriptures: Examples of Conflict in the Bible:

• Matthew 5-7
• Matthew 18:15-35
• John 13:34-35
• Romans 12:9-21
• 1 Corinthians 13
• Galatians 5:13-26
• Ephesians 4:17-32
• Philippians 2:1-18
• Colossians 3
• James 4:1-12
• 1 John 3:16-5:5

Old Testament

1. Contention in a family: Cain and Able
2. Focus on self: Jacob and Esau
3. The power of desire: David and Uriah
4. The seduction of power: Saul and David

New Testament

1. Self-interests vs. servanthood among the disciples: Mark 10:35-45
2. Religious traditionalism versus Christ: John 8: 1-11
3. Diversity in membership-prejudice: Acts 6:1-7
4. Dispute in Antioch over circumcision: Acts 15
5. Divisions in the church: 1 Cor. 1:10-17
6. Personal and spiritual immaturity: 1 Cor. 3: 1-16

5. Do manage the conflict properly

Not all conflict is the same so do not approach all conflict the same way. A difference over whether to spend $50.00 and one over whether to spend $500.00 contain different dynamics.

The following are simple questions to ask regarding the conflict:

Are we encountering differences of opinion over resolution of an issue or problem?

Differences of opinion happen and are not bad. If you treat them as bad, then the conflict will escalate.

Are you dealing with an underlying unresolved conflict?

If you answer “yes” to this, you need to start looking for the background causes of the conflict and seek to resolve that first.

6. Do act like a Christian

Let your Christian values always drive your motives, words, and actions as regards conflict. Some of the most un-christian things I have ever heard said were said during heated exchanges in business meetings.

7. Do trust God

Often people in conflict overlook this point. Once we have prayed, discovered God’s guidance through the Bible, and sought to follow a reasonable path to conflict resolution, we need to patiently let God lead us through the process.

Written by Bob Sheffield

Help is available:

Contact Bob Sheffield, LifeWay Pastoral Ministry Specialist

Call 615-251-2471 or e-mail bob.sheffield@lifeway.com

Definitions – Conflict is a neutral word. It is neither sinful nor good, but it becomes one or the other by the way people interpret and manage it.

Church conflict occurs when two groups or two people or two ideas want to occupy the same space at the same time, but there is room for only one. Suppose you are in a room with only one door. The door is only wide enough for one person to go through. Suppose you are going out the door and another person is coming in, and you both converge in the doorway. Two of you would be occupying the same space at the same time, but there is room for only one.

The real issue is how the conflict is to be managed. If healthy, redemptive management is used, conflict is resolved and forgiveness is not needed. If, however, conflict is destructively mismanaged, sinful behaviors will be expressed and will require forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an act of the will. The Bible commands us to forgive one another (Eph. 4:32). These commands appeal to the mind, not to the emotions.

A person must desire for a broken relationship to be repaired and healed. Followed by desire is an act of the will that says, “I choose to give up my right to hit you back.” In its fullest sense, forgiveness is a person’s act of the will motivated by a spiritual desire to release the other person of the responsibility for the hurt he or she received and from that point on never to hold it against the offender(s) again. Some emotions may linger for a while, but the responsibility for the hurt is not held against the offender(s).

Mismanaged church conflict requires forgiveness in the following categories: individual, group, and institutional.

Individual – When individuals hurt and sin against each other.

Group – organizational groups that fight over power and control.

Institutional – structures (such as constitution and bylaws, policies, job descriptions, and budgets) are not followed or revised to meet the relevant vision of the church.

Forgiveness removes relational barriers so that reconciliation can take place. Individuals, groups, and institutional structures are now friendly again. In such an atmosphere of unity, people are speaking to one another, agreeing to disagree, and focusing on the future.

Restructuring affects the way people will relate in the future. Some will resign from a position but will do so in good faith. Others will accept positions they have earlier refused. Silent and shy people will become more active because of the renewed respect of one another’s points of view.

Restructuring also means changing documents and policies to assure a positive future for the church.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean just letting bygones be bygones. It creates a new relational environment in which people can agree to disagree and make healthy decisions. Forgiveness also creates a way for people to work through problems rather than acting too hastily and making unwise and hurtful decisions.

Written by Norris Smith

Here are seven ideas for handling conflict in a constructive way:

1. Confront the person or issue directly or honestly.

Nothing is worse than letting an issue simmer until it boils over into the entire church. Go directly to the person causing the conflict and seek to resolve it. If you can make concessions while still honoring Christ, do so, if this will settle the issue. The Bible offers a plan in Matthew 18:15-17. Follow it.

2. Don\’t go looking for trouble.

Let sleeping dogs lie. Don\’t fix it if it isn\’t broken. Proverbs 3:30 wisely says “Do not accuse a man for no reason — when he has done you no harm.\’\’

3. Delegate if you know you cannot be successful.

If you anticipate trouble with a particular family or individual, ask another person you trust to work with them. Pastors and deacons need each other. Use one another\’s skills to avoid trouble. Moses needed the direction of his father-in-law Jethro to keep from overloading his plate with the many decisions the people of God faced in the wilderness, and so do you. Read Exodus 18:1-27 to see how God blessed this delegation of duties.

4. Agree with the person if at all possible.

When you make a mistake, promptly admit it. It is better to trust the outcome to God than to deny our error when it is evident for everyone to see. In Matthew 5:25, Jesus directed us to: “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.”

5. Mediate the issue.

Mediation means we involve a third person to help settle the matter. A good mediator asks each side to suggest what they need to resolve the issue. After listening to both sides, the mediator then suggests a compromise position that both sides can accept.

6. Take the issue to the Lord and leave it there.

Some people cannot be satisfied unless they destroy others or they feel they have totally won the argument. Don\’t go there with those people. Sometimes the only person who really understands our side is Jesus. If the issue still troubles you, continue praying about it and ask God to make it a non-issue for you.

7. Ask God to get involved in a supernatural way.

Every area of strife is a spiritual problem. While you can\’t resolve the issue for others, you can settle it for yourself. No problem can be totally separate from the spiritual issue that accompanies it. Ask God to work behind the scenes. Admit faults of your own that you cannot see. In every situation, we must trust God to be the one who finally settles issues in the local church and in our lives.

Written by Joel Blaylock

And, speaking of the heart, keeping the unity in a church is a lot like exercising the heart. In order to exercise the heart muscle, you have to exercise the large muscles of the body—the legs and the arms. Unity, like the heart, may very well be the most important muscle in the body. And, to keep it healthy here are some exercises:

1. Live by vision and values.

Develop a compelling vision that is bigger than any one person or one group. Since people tend to forget the vision, communicate it often through every means and at every opportunity.

2. Focus outward, not inward.

Nothing will create disunity faster than when the church looks inward. Too many church members ask, “What’s in it for me?” They value their comfort and their conveniences more than reaching others. Help the church to look at what it can do. It may not be able to do everything, but it can do something. Discover the one something your church can do for the community and then do it.

3. Look to the future more than the past.

Too many churches are looking backward – “The way we have always done it.” Looking to the past is like trying to drive your car while only looking out the rearview mirror. While we are not to ignore or neglect the past, we are to learn from it, so we can march boldly into the future. Giving the church a missional and kingdom mindset will do much to foster unity in the body.

4. Move people to the frontlines of evangelism and ministry.

I have been told that in the military grumbling and complaining increases in direct proportion to the farther one is from the front lines. On the front lines people are concerned about their lives and the lives of the fellow soldiers next to them. In the church, we need to move people out of their seats of complacency and inactivity to positions of service and ministry.

5. Reinstate the cause.

Most churches begin as a cause, become a community, but settle as a corporation.

When churches reach the corporation stage they are more concerned about their rights and conveniences rather than the original cause of reaching people for Christ. Find a new cause based on the old Great Commission that will challenge and motive your congregation.

6. Have a project that is bigger than one person or one group.

Too often churches settle for small plans and puny thinking that doesn’t require much effort to accomplish. Leading a church to accomplish a ministry effort or evangelistic thrust or a building campaign requires the entire church to come together builds unity and keeps people on the same page.

Decide now to implement some of these exercises to keep the unity in your church. It may well be the most important life-changing strategy your congregation has ever experienced.